Touch So Foreign
by tessdebelle
Summary: Tess Harding, her spaceship crashing without reaching Antar, has a child and no life. The only thing she's ever known is using her powers and seduction, so it's natural for her to use that to her advantage. Nicholas Rush, however, thinks she can do so much more.
1. Chapter 1

Tess Harding sat at one of the makeup tables in the City Lights Men's Club. It was eight at night and she was getting set up for the late night shift at the club. It was her least favorite time to work- when the sleaziest guys tended to show up. She shivered, thinking of the heavyset man in his sixties who had wanted her to call him 'Cowboy' last week. Some of the men she had to handle were sketchy, sure, but the job paid for Tess's life- a small Colorado apartment, out of the ways of any FBI agents who could hunt her down, and a babysitter for Zan for when she was working. She was kept safe from prying eyes, and no one would take a second glance at an eighteen-year-old girl with a baby at home that worked at a strip club at night.

It had been five months since Tess had left on the Granolith, pregnant and alone. The ship was supposed to have brought her back to her home planet, where she could safely have Zan, but had instead crash-landed in the middle of nowhere, Colorado. It had taken a month for her to have her son, with alien DNA accelerating the pregnancy, living off of whatever he could find, and another month before she'd found City Lights and gotten a life for her and Zan. The club was in Colorado Springs, and didn't ask questions about her background. Sure, it was dirty work- she spent long nights on a pole, wearing scandalous clothing and seeing men paying to watch her, but it pulled in a lot more money than she had gotten at other cheap jobs and wasn't too bad.

Tess slipped on the clothing she had been tossed when she first walked in- a black bustier, thong, and cheap-looking fishnets. The entire ensemble was uncomfortable and made her feel dirty, like a whore, but the looks she would get from men while wearing the contraption let her know it didn't look too bad. She slipped on the heels that went with it- high, chunky, platform heels that she could easily break her ankles on if she wasn't careful- and stepped to the long mirror in the dressing room.

She had only done this job for need of money and this was what she had been trained to do. Tess had to keep reminding herself of that- she wasn't some floosy girl who had thrown away her life, she was here because of Max and Liz and Nasedo, and had been taught how to seduce and kill as the only things that mattered, and the second was illegal. She readjusted the straps of her bustier, making sure that her cleavage spilled out in the cheap way the men who came seemed to like, and strutted out of the room, taking on the persona of the woman who danced up on stage for men in the club.

"Lacey Anderson, ladies and gentleman!" Boomed the loud voice of Mr. Hollendale, the owner of the club. He was a strange man- Tess knew behind closed doors he was screwing most of the other girls who worked at City Lights, the girls only doing so to get more money out of him, but she refused to stoop that low. Still, she marched out to the persona of Lacey- Tess had made her up, using Lacey as a stage name to keep men from stalking her outside of the club, strutting around wickedly and rocking her hips back and forth, giving all the men in the club an eyeful of her legs and ass, showcased almost entirely in the thong. Not too many of the men, even regulars, had showed up yet. It was early at night. She took to the pole on the far right, her usual spot, and began what was most of the time standard work at the club when it was quiet- lazy spins on the bar, slow moving and sultry, keeping up the look she was supposed to.

This went on for a while- it always did- and Tess had fallen into a motion with it. Most nights, attention in the club went to other girls, the ones who were put front and center in the club, usually because they were sleeping with the boss. It had been a few hours since she had started that night when he had walked in.

Tess was a little curious as to exactly what he was doing in the club. She didn't know the man who had entered, but he wasn't the type to go to strip joints. No, this man looked like the type to have a better moral code than that. His hair was whispy, almost graying, around his shoulders, and the bottom half of his face was covered in scratchy stubble. He wore a clean white button down shirt, black belt, and jeans. Most of the patrons at the club were the type that wore plaid shirts and trousers, clothing that a husband would wear- most of them were married men who weren't getting it from their wives and came to the club instead.

The man sat at one of the empty tables in the club, looking bothered and looking around, like he was looking for something. She kept up her dance, spinning around the pole and curling her legs up, head thrown back to let the dark lights of the club dance off her blonde curls. When she looked back, he was staring at her intently. His look was a look of lust; eyes taking long looks at her legs and all of her bared skin, and a look of real interest, something more intense and powerful than her body.

As she watched, one of the waitresses, Ruby, came to his side and spoke in the man's ear. He nodded, saying something, and Ruby nodded in return. The two spoke for another minute, followed by him pointing in her direction. Ruby looked at Tess, nodding quickly and saying something else before scurrying off. She came around to where Tess was quickly.

"The guy at table ten asked for you specifically." She whispered, barely heard over the music playing in the club. Tess looked out to ten; to see that it was the man she had thought was sitting there. She nodded to Ruby, who scurried away, coming back to ten with a drink in hand for him. Tess watched as the man took a drink, before she turned away from the men watching her to step off the pedestal to strut her way to his table, in the far back of the room. Going to him, she was able to make out more details on the man- the aged lines on his face, his calculating eyes, and lean body. He was oddly attractive, and Tess had lost most of her sense of attraction to others. She had been trained to not care about humans at all- there hadn't been anyone in a long time to be interested in.

Tess stepped to the table, hands on her hips to look at him. The man's eyes were intense, staring at her. He seemed to be taking in her physically and mentally- his eyes were blown to dark pupils looking at her, but there was still a scrutinizing and cynical look there, too. It was like he was trying to solve her like a puzzle and figure her out. "Nicholas Rush." He sighed, glancing up and down over her once more before dropping money on the table. Taking a glance, Tess saw that the bills he had dropped were all twenties, giving her eighty dollars for whatever he would be getting tonight, more than Tess had ever been offered for a more private show. She tucked the money into the waistband of her thong, unsure of what he wanted of her but knowing that that money could give her and Zan a good week's worth of food, spent correctly. He nodded to her, and Tess took the hint to start the seduction she called her work.

She began by straddling his lap, pushing the man- Nicholas, her mind supplied the name she had only just heard- down so that his back was flat against the back of his chair and running her hands into his hair, tugging on the thin strands. She couldn't determine his age- possibly mid or late 40s, if his graying hair and lined eyes could say anything about that, but she wasn't sure. Tess kept her eyes locked on his, pursing her lips in a manner that spoke of a man's dirtiest fantasies, grinding her body against his and teasing her hands over his chest. She watched him swallow, smiling gently at the action.

"W-w-w-what's your name?" He stuttered out, shocking Tess out of her mindset. She could feel him, hardening fast against her backside, but Tess knew that Nicholas had spoken to her, asking questions. That wasn't expected- men, unless they were untrustworthy or dangerous, didn't ask questions of the women who came to them, not here. She rocked back against him in response, eyes locked on his and finding Nicholas's eyes a warm chocolate brown that she liked.

She leaned forward, pressing her warm curves against his chest, to whisper in his ear seductively, "You can call me anything you want." She punctuated the last word with a rough move against him, feeling the man underneath her shift uncomfortably, his cock hard from her ministrations. Her fingers fiddled playfully with the buttons of his shirt.

"Your real name." He said hoarsely. Tess hadn't expected that- if he was some creep, he wouldn't have been so obvious, nor so cleanly dressed, and would have smelled like pot and alleyways instead of coffee and cigarettes. She stilled in her movements, breasts pressed against his chest and straddling his hips.

"It's Tess." She said, seriously now. The look in his eyes was intense, though glazed over from lust, and his hands had fallen to her hips, gripping tightly like he didn't want her to pull away. She moved slowly now, her motions more planned and thought out than a simple dance for him.

"I work at the Stargate Program and I think-" His voice cracked on think when she put pressure against his hardness, and Tess smirked. She moved back and forth on his cock, thin black fabric and denim separating him from touching her and hearing him growl feeling her, hands tightening almost painfully at her hips. "We think that you're the woman who has been suspected of-" He choked on that word when she gyrated her hips towards him, head falling back and baring her throat in a way that, with her training in the art of seduction, made her look overcome with pleasure the same way he was. She could feel him moving with her, despite the fact that he was trying to say something, but Tess knew that she was driving him mad. He swallowed, trying to concentrate, and looking back at her. "Alien activity." He finished, panting. His hands were gripping her hips hard to hold her in place from moving, and Tess froze, meeting his eyes with a cold and stony look.

She had flown under the radar perfectly. The granolith had been destroyed in the crash and Zan was completely human, she had even created fake records for him and stored them in databases across the country. She rarely ever used her powers, but somehow someone- this man- had found her out. Tess leapt off him, storming away from his table and throwing the money he had given her back at him. She stormed back into the dressing room, only to be stopped by a drunk Mr. Hollendale, grabbing her ass and pulling her towards him. The man had other women hanging off of him, giggling mad, but he was still breathing alcohol breath into her ear. "Don't walk away from that one, Miss Harding. He asked for a stripper, and I want you to go right back there and give him one." He said, voice cruel and slurring at once.

"Don't touch me!" She cried out, lashing out from her boss with a push of her powers that she hadn't expected, running back into the dressing room. Tess was angry, she hadn't been this angry in a long, long time. She had started to cry quickly and turned to the mirror, she had cheap black mascara and eyeliner running down her cheeks. Still, Tess wiped it away with the back of her hand wrapping a robe around herself as Mr. Hollendale stormed into the dressing room, grabbing her wrist, and slamming it against the mirror.

"You damn bitch!" He cried out. Tess felt the shock of pain ring in her wrist, tightly gripped by him, the pain making her not realize until she looked that it had opened a gash on her hand. Tess cried out in pain, tears streaming once more, but he only repeated the action. "You don't walk away from me like that." He growled. He was rough, screaming at her drunkenly for walking away from him like that, until she felt the man being tugged away from her, falling to the floor after she heard the smack of a fist hitting flesh. When Tess looked to try and find out what had happen, she saw Nicholas, knuckles bloody and panting, looking at her, stretching out his hand.

"Perhaps we'll try this again?" He asked, looking at her panting. Tess wasn't sure it was a good idea to trust him, after seeing the kinds of things that had been done to Max by humans who found out about him being an alien, but he had just kept her from getting seriously hurt. Stepping over the passed out Mr. Hollendale, Tess put her hand in his, standing precariously close to Nicholas. The two of them were only inches apart- managing not to step on her most likely former employer had caused her to be oddly close to him, and with Tess's skyscraper heels on, he only stood two inches taller than her, eyes locked on hers. She tugged her own away, wincing at the way it jostled her injured wrist, wrapping the other hand around it. "You're hurt." He said tensely, glaring down at Mr. Hollendale. She would have liked to heal her wrist, but it wasn't a good idea in public around humans like she was. Tess looked down to see his knuckles, also bloody and in bad shape.

Sighing, Tess said, "I'll be fine. You helped me out… The least I can do is get your hand cleaned up." She said, shaking her head at her desperate need for human sympathy that she was told not to have such things her entire life by Nasedo. Nicholas looked like he wanted to protest, but instead just nodded. "Just give me a second, I'll get changed and we can go." She took a glance at Mr. Hollendale, cringing at him sprawled on the floor, but she decided that helping him would do her no good. She grabbed her own clothes from the dresser, going into one of the tiny stalls in the dressing room and quickly throwing on her tank top and jeans, along with her mangy sweatshirt. "This way." She said, avoiding his eyes to keep from catching their warmth and walking out to the sidewalk. She had planned to walk home, it was only a couple of blocks, but he caught her by her elbow, the touch gentle and more caring than she had had in a long time.

"I have a car." He said, simply. Tess turned to see that he held a car key in his injured hand, as the horn of a slim black car in the parking lot went off. Tess nodded, heading in that direction. He followed after her, getting into the driver's side as she went to the passenger seat.

Tess hadn't been in a car in a long time. It wasn't something she thought about much, but she had stated mostly local in the area, most everywhere she walked to. Being in a car was nice, though- comfortable. She swallowed, realizing he was looking at her. "919 North 19th Street, Wind River Apartments." She rambled off her address to him, and she and Nicholas took off quickly. Colorado Springs was a busy city about hald the size of Denver, and the nightlife was usually loud and bright if you were out of the expensive suburban areas, and she was. It was a change from Roswell, New Mexico for her. The two of them parked at the apartments, and headed into the lobby. Reaching the elevator, she hit for floor two, and it shot up. She turned to him in the empty elevator, blue eyes scanning over him and trying to make sense of the situation. "I could have handled myself, you know." She said curtly. That was partially true- using her powers; Tess could have easily overpowered her boss and been fine. But using them would put her in an even worse situation.

He smirked, turning to her and raising an eyebrow. "Sure you could. Unless of course there is more to you than you're letting on." He said. In that moment, Tess realized that he had an accent. It was a small thing, but there was a thick difference to his voice she couldn't quite place, until Tess realized- Scottish. She had been all over the world with Nasedo, even a short time in Scotland, and his voice was almost soothingly melodic. She shook away the thought, looking down at the ground. Tess swallowed down the knot in her stomach, the fear of getting hurt because a human had found out about her identity. Or at least, suspected. Once the elevator pinged, the doors opened, letting the two of them out to her floor. Tess pulled the door key out of her pocket, opening the door of room 285. The apartment was small, one bedroom apartment. It had a half kitchen, half family room, and one a bedroom that held her own bed and a crib for Zan. Her mind stuttered to a stop.

She was a horrible mother, and she knew that. The given situation wasn't good, she had a child who would never know his father and his mother was a stripper. But forgetting the child? Sure, the night had been hectic, but that was no excuse. The babysitter she had hired for the night, a teenager of fifteen, had left a note on the door to the bedroom.

_Going out, family emergency. Sorry!_

_-Georgia_

Hurrying into the room, Tess found Zan, asleep and safe in his crib. She sighed, relaxing a little at seeing her child. Despite everything that had led up to him, Tess loved the baby very much. She stroked a finger across his cheek, cooing happily when Zan's tiny hand curled around her finger. "And who is this?" She heard from behind her, turning to see that the man she had almost forgotten about was standing just behind her, looking at the baby.

"Zan." She said softly smiling. Even with the danger of Nicholas, she couldn't help but be relaxed by the sight of her baby being happy. She shook her head, pulling away and pushing him out the door of her room, shutting it quietly. "He's sleeping. Now, do you want to explain to me why you think I have anything to do with aliens, Nicholas?" She asked, keeping her voice down but still menacing all the same. He smirked at her, and pulled out a thick file from the bag at his side she hadn't noticed before.

"First off, it's Doctor Nicholas Rush. Either you call me that, Doctor Rush, or if you like, Nick." He said, nodding simply to her. Taking a few papers out of the file, he passed them to her, placing the file down on a table and lacing his hands together in front of him. "And I don't think, I know. There is proof in there of someone with your exact description using powerful mind control over scientists in New Mexico to help release a known alien by the name of Max Evans." He said pointing to images of her and Nasedo walking through the facility in Roswell, of scenes from Max's torturing, and shots all over Roswell. "I'm from the Stargate Program, a mainly military operation dedicated to studying aliens and space exploration through a device known as the Stargate made by a race known as the ancients. And I think that you can help us." He finished, while Tess looked over the other papers he had handed her. There were other pictures- of Michael, Isabel, Alex, Liz, Maria, and Kyle. Images of them all made her tense in fear and self-hatred over all she'd done to them, but Tess finally shook her head in defeat, dropping the files to the floor in the process.

Four months, four months almost to the day, she'd gone without anyone getting hurt or letting anyone know who she was, but suddenly whoever this man was had known for a long time. "Alright. What are you going to do now, the same thing they did with Max? Chain me up, drug me, perform experiments?" She hissed through her teeth, knowing in the back of her mind that she had to stay quiet because Zan was asleep in the other room. She stepped in closer, glaring up at Nick. Wearing flat shoes now, he stood at least five inches taller but she shot daggers at him even from the height difference.

"Nothing like that at all, actually." He said his voice still the smooth and rich like honey despite her anger in front of him. "You see, my project involves coding complicated works with the mind and science. I don't want to hurt you." He said, one hand going carefully to trace over her arm. "I think with the evidence we've found, your alien DNA will be able to help me find out more about my research. If you say yes, you'll work alongside me at the Stargate Program. Anything you want or need, will be taken care of, including your son." He said, sparing a glance to the bedroom door. "If you say no, you can go back to your own life. Files with evidence to you and your life will be destroyed and there will be no record of you as anything other than human." He said, nodding simply and tucking away the papers into his bag. "It's your choice… Tess." He said, simply.

"Harding. Tess Harding." She said on instinct. Her last name was more a formality, a fake last name to go by for her and Nasedo in the human world, but she had adapted to it.

Nick looked at her, and Tess caught that same warmth in him, something that drove her to trust him. "Miss Harding." He corrected himself. Tess bit on her lip, before taking the injured hand in her own and placing her hand over his, healing the injured skin. Taking it away, Nick marveled at his own hand, completely healed with no evidence of any injury. Tess did the same with her own. "Thank you." He said quietly. They looked at each other for another minute before Nick cleared his throat. "If you like, you can tell me your decision another time?" He asked, raising an eyebrow to her. Tess thought for a moment.

He could be lying. Lying was easy, Nick could easily be lying to her and plan to harm her, that she could believe. He seemed… Trustworthy, though. She didn't know how or why, but she had the urge to put her faith in him. And there was also Zan. She needed to care for her son, Zan would have to be her first priority. Swallowing, Tess looked back at him. "Alright. Yes, I'll go." She said simply. Tess hadn't expected it, but she saw that Nick's mouth twitched up a little into a smile. She was oddly happy that having her around was something that would make him happy. She shook that off, though.

"I can help you pack up your things and we'll leave in the morning, then?" He asked still smiling at her. Tess looked around the scarce apartment before nodding. All she owned was here- some clothing, food, and anything Zan needed. She breathed in, turning back to him.

"Tomorrow."


	2. Chapter 2

It was around nine in the morning when Tess woke up lying on her bed. The bed was stripped of all its sheets and pillows and she yawned, sitting up, and leaning back against the headboard. Her head was groggy, and Tess could smell something coming from the living room, something like… Coffee?

She sat up straighter, eyes adjusting to the little bit of light creeping through her bedroom window. Tess left the bed, checking to see that Zan was still snuggled safely in his crib. She walked out to the kitchenette of her apartment to see Nick, who was standing at the counter holding two cups of coffee, and she remembered exactly what she had done last night.

Meeting Nick, losing her job, finding out that there were people who knew all about her being an alien and agreeing to work at the Stargate Program. She gulped nervously stepping in towards him and yawning as he held out one of the cups to her.

"You got coffee?" She asked, taking a sip of the stuff. She hadn't had it in forever- the stuff had always been a waste of money that could be better used elsewhere- but she took it happily. The drink was sweet and bitter all at once, a basic black coffee with a ton of sweetener. She supposed it wouldn't be all that desirable for humans, but it was perfect for the alien looking for a good drink. She licked her lips, glad for the flavor and also the caffeine in the morning, and turning to Nick.

"I wasn't sure what flavor you might like, so I grabbed the same as I was getting a put a lot of sugar in it." He said. Tess detected a hint of a smile she hadn't expected from him, and saw that Nick was holding two suitcases on his way out the door.

She looked around, seeing that her stuff was gone. She and Nick hadn't gotten a chance to get anything packed up- Tess had been tired after the night's events, and had gone to sleep, Nick claiming he would take her couch. "Nick, did you… Is that all my stuff?" She asked, unzipping one of the bags part of the way to find one of her own tank tops spilling out of the bag. She stuffed it back in, standing back up to look at him. He gave her that same smile, something light, and friendly about it. He nodded quickly before getting a more serious look on his face. Tess turned away, as he led the bags out of the apartment.

"I signed you out of the apartment already; we have a long drive for the day. If you've got your son all packed up to go, we can get on the road." He called from out in the hall. Tess yawned, shaking any morning sleepiness off to return to the crib. Zan was slowly waking up from the noise that had been in the other room, and she picked him up, cradling her son.

Tess held him carefully, she always held Zan like he was a precious angel, rocking him back and forth soothingly to wake him up. His eyes- a soft, warm blue, opened and he made an appreciative cooing sound. With him, she always felt loved, more than Tess had ever. She had been trained not to love her entire life, not to have any trace of humanity, and some part of her said that it wasn't good, having a human attachment like him. Still, she was greedy, and flawed, and cared about her son desperately. Tess packed up the crib easily, a portable one that made it easy to move quickly if she had to, and grabbed the supplies she had for him, walking out to the elevator, and riding it down. It was only when she was in the elevator alone that Tess realized that she was shaking. From nerves or excitement she couldn't tell.

Easing herself down, Tess had calmed a little when she left the elevator finding Nick waiting for her in the lobby. She breathed in as they walked out of the building together exiting the apartment building and returning to his black car. He helped her load Zan into the car before going back to the driver's seat, Tess following after, and slipping into the passenger side. She turned to Nick, who was meant to start them on a drive to wherever his work was. Instead he was staring down at the car key in his hand like he had gone someplace else. "I'm sure this is all very… New to you." He said looking back up at Tess. "Just know that the Stargate program will do anything we can to make your work with us as comfortable as possible." He finished. Though the words sounded rehearsed there was something in his eyes and voice that made Tess feel protected- made her feel like how she felt mattered.

"Thanks." She muttered as Nick started driving the car away from her apartment building, towards the mountain range out of town.

"The main road is going to be too crowded. There's too much traffic this time of day, we'll take the mountain route." He said. Tess nodded looking out the window. The sky was overcast, an ugly white color, but the mountains were nice looking, a bluish purple in the mist. The incline was steep, but up on the mountain roads she could see most everything below, and it was strangely beautiful. She looked back at Nick then. His long-ish brown hair framed his face well, she noted. Tess hadn't thought much of it before when she had merely been a stripper for him, but he was actually handsome in a rugged, more mature sort of way. Nick glanced at her to find her looking at him before turning back to the road. "What?" He asked curious as to why she had been looking.

Tess turned back to the road ahead. "Just thinking about all of… this." She said vaguely. "I don't even know you. How did you get into this program? I don't even know what it is."

Beside her Nick sighed, hand drumming on the steering wheel. "Well, I got into the Stargate program because a man named Doctor Daniel Jackson found me while I was working at a university teaching physics to students, and mentioned the program. The project I- we will be working on is called the _Icarus_project." He said. Tess could tell by his tone that it was a memorized speech something basic and the vaguest description he could find. She frowned.

"And what about you personally? Why are you so interested in the program, and why me for it?" She asked. Nick turned to her shaking his head in aggravation.

"There was research indicating that you had special mental abilities similar to creating illusions and working with the mind that other recorded aliens do not obtain. When I found the file with information on you, I thought that that might offer more knowledge in coding, and work that we have been doing on Icarus." He said voice tight and teeth tense. "And anything about my personal life is none of your business." He growled.

Although she could tell that Nick was aggravated, Tess couldn't help but be slightly flattered that out of other aliens he could have chosen, he thought she would be the smartest. "Well… thanks. And if I am going to be _working_with you, why can't I know?" She asked, arms crossing over her chest, and looking him in the eye.

Nick clenched his teeth glaring angrily ahead at the road. "Because what happens in my life doesn't affect you. We'll be coworkers; it does not mean we're going to be friends." He said. Tess groaned.

"How long is this car ride going to be? I don't want to be stuck with some Scottish Smartass for hours." She asked, turning angrily to the window and not looking at him.

"Only about a half hour, Princess. And then you can be rid of the beast and go back to your perfect little world. I don't know why you would have any desire to hear my story anyhow." He muttered gruffly. Tess ran a hand through her hair because his words held a certain bite and sharp pain that she hadn't expected.

"You know what? Stop the car. I don't want to do this. I'm no princess, and I don't want to listen to some asshole insulting me for any longer!" She shouted angrily, the car shaking from her powers raging through the machinery. Nick hit the brake pedal fast, the car jerked to a stop on the empty road. He turned to her and rested a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry." He said, eyes catching hers in an intense manner and locking brown on blue ones. Tess was caught in his gaze, his grip on her shoulder almost painful, but the look in his eyes almost warm. "Secondly, you did agree to it, and third, you are much more like a princess than you might think." He said. As Tess watched, she saw a smile nearly form on his face, the edges of his mouth perk up just a little. It was a nice smile- his lips were maybe a little thin but they were smooth-looking, surrounded by a little stubble, and his smile was just small enough to be there but still seem secretive, like he would show it to her, but not to other people. "If you really like I'll tell you my story." He offered seeming calmer and letting go of her. Tess in turn, nodded as he started up the car engine. They drove for a moment straight, before he began talking.

"I started out living in Glasgow. My father worked in the shipyards, and I had to work two different jobs just so we could afford life. I did, however, end up getting myself a scholarship from my hard work to Oxford College." He said. Although Nick's head was turned Tess could see his face twitch up again to that odd smile. He was growing on her, she realized. That wasn't a good idea- Nick was human. She wasn't supposed to like humans. Then again nothing she had done so far had gone according to plan. "In college I met my wife, a woman named Gloria. Wonderful woman, we married soon after graduation. I got a job as a professor at the University of California soon after that, I was found by Daniel Jackson." Tess nodded through his story. He was married? Tess was having trouble believing that- he didn't seem like the most attached, caring person. "Around the time I was recruited into the Stargate program, Gloria was diagnosed with cancer. She died a few months later and I continued working on the program. It's been something like… Five years since then?" He asked to no one in particular and scoffing at his own memory. Tess was almost stunned by his lack of emotion at telling the story of his late wife. There had to be more there- a reason why Nick didn't react like one normally would, and seem upset by the memory.

She wanted to ask but Tess decided not to dig any deeper. She was quiet as they pulled up to a big military base. Nick stopped the car and unlocked the doors. Tess stepped out, tucking a lock of blonde hair behind her ear, and watching as Nick did the same. She went to the backseat where Zan sat but Nick stilled her hand. "We should probably leave him with one of the Sergeants. They'll take good care of him but the meeting now might not be something you want him there for." He said calmly. Tess wanted to protest but she nodded followed after with Zan in her arms.

He led her to the doors, where they went through the checks and she hesitantly handed Zan to a female officer. A man with cropped dark hair and a stony expression, wearing black military clothes met them afterwards. "Hello, Rush." He said in a husky voice, nodding to her companion. Nick grunted in response, leading her towards another room but the man stopped him. "You must be Miss Harding." He said curtly. Tess nodded quickly looking between him and Nick, the latter glaring at the former. "Colonel Young, head of the Icarus project." He said sticking out a hand to her.

Tess shook his hand warily as Nick said, "Head of _Military Work_ in the Icarus project. I am head of the Scientific work, Colonel." He stated pulling Tess away. "And Miss Harding and I have some urgent work with General O'Niell, if you don't mind." He said. Tess was vividly aware of Nick's hand on the small of her back leading her into another room. The room was a neat little office with a man sitting at the desk, who she assumed must be the general. He looked friendly enough, though strict.

"Hello, General." Nick said, looking more in line and rule-abiding than she had ever seen him in the short time she'd known him. "This is Miss Tess Harding, the alien from Roswell. She has agreed to help with the Icarus project, and needs to be cleared to use the gates and needs somewhere to stay.

O'Niell stood, nodding to both, and shaking Tess's hand. "Welcome aboard, Miss- or should I say, Doctor Harding." He said with a smile. Tess nodded nervously.

"If you're so eager to have the alien on the project, Rush, why doesn't she just stay with you?" Another voice asked smoother and at the same time not friendly at all. Tess turned to find a short, Asian man with dark hair, and military clothing leaning in the doorwayand looking in on the conversation.

"I actually have a name." Tess said. Something about him, maybe the way he spoke or the way Nick seemed to glare at this man, made Tess not want to trust him. The general, however, had no such thought to it and instead turned to Nick and Tess.

"I think that's an excellent idea. Your housing has enough room for two occupants, Doctor Rush. Doctor Harding can stay there with you." He said with a nod making a note of their new living arrangements. Tess swallowed down the words of protest that wanted to bubble up- she and Nick had come to some sort of peace after their fight in the car, but that didn't mean she wanted to live with him. But, as the other man left with a smirk and Nick stared dumbfounded at the General. She gave up on that. "It's a bit late in the day to work. Why don't the two of you unpack some things and get a good night's sleep? Get started on work in the morning?" He asked. Tess and Nick exchanged a look. His face was unreadable and Tess herself didn't know much of what to think. Finally, Tess nodded with a noncommittal shrug, leaving the room. Nick followed soon after grabbing her hand when she was just about to leave the doors of the room to the elevator.

"Look Tess, I'm sorry that you're stuck with me. If it's really that big a deal, you can probably change where you'll be staying." He said staring down at the ground.

Tess looked at him curiously. "I never said I didn't want to. I'm fine with that." She said. Although she wasn't entirely sure _how_she felt about her new living arrangement, or her apparent new roommate, Tess didn't think it was all negative.

"There's no reason you would want to. You made it pretty clear in the car back there that I bothered you." He said with raised eyebrows. Tess's mouth quirked up in a smile, and she turned to the Sergeant, grabbing Zan from her and heading out to the car.

"You got me angry, that is… different. You're probably the closest thing I've had to a friend in a while so I don't mind rooming with you." She admitted shrugging. "I was just bothered back there because I don't like that guy who walked in. The one who suggested the idea."

Nick nodded, coming around the car to grab her bags from the trunk. "Telford. I am… Not his biggest fan." Nick said helping her to take the bags and heading in the direction of a small one-story plain house, stepping in, and taking out a key ring to open the door to a cluttered house. On a table in the kitchen of it there were stacks of papers and books and all sorts of things were scattered across it, and the living room was in the same condition. Nick sighed dropping her suitcases down by the door. "Sorry about the mess, I wasn't expecting to be sharing this place with anyone else." He said with a shrug, going to shuffle some of the papers together, and clean off the table.

"Yeah, I'm sorry you have to share with me too." She said with a shrug, trying and failing to gather them.

It took a few minutes for Tess to realize that Nick was looking back at her. "If you think I meant that I don't want you here, that's… Not what I meant." He said awkwardly. Tess blinked up at Nick smiling softly. He cleared his throat. "That isn't to say I wanted- I mean- I didn't plan for any of…" He trailed off and Tess just laughed helping him put together the last of the papers and grabbing her bags.

"I'm really, really hoping this is a two bedroom. While I like you, I don't think I'm ready to share a bed with a man I just met." She said with a laugh. Nick chuckled leading her to a short hallway with three doors.

"This one is my room." He said shortly. Tess expected Nick to show her his room, but he only deferred her to the middle door. "This one is the bathroom- there is only one of those sorry about that." He said wincing. "And this one will be your room." Nick opened the door for her, and Tess stepped into the room. It was basic- white walls, a small white bed, a closet, and a mirror. But still, she liked the place. She'd never really had a room to her own. Tess turned to smile and thank Nick, but he was already walking away and back to his own room. Her smile fell but Tess tried to ignore it, shutting the door behind her, and taking her bag, tossing it in the closet, and collapsing on the bed before hearing the sound of a baby crying. She sat up finding that Zan had woken up, and was in an unfamiliar place, too.

She came to him, taking him from the crib, and rocking him gently back and forth. "Don't cry now." She cooed kissing his forehead gently. Zan calmed down slowly, sucking on his thumb. Tess smiled ruffling the tuft of blonde curls growing on his head. "That's my boy." She whispered putting him back down in the crib. She then turned to the blank room, hands on her hips. Tess stuck out her hand to the bedspread and letting color flow over it and giving her sheets and blankets a soft pink tinge that brightened up the room a bit. She smiled softly, touching the wall as well and turning it yellow. The colors weren't much but they added something, a bit more personality to the room. There was a small window in the corner and it showed that it was something like sunset at the time. She started to wonder what she should be doing for dinner, running a hand through her curls before going to Nick's room. Tess knocked lightly on the door but her knocking was enough that the door opened of its own accord.

The first thing Tess noticed about the room was that it was a mess. Just like the other rooms, there were books and papers and sheets of mathematical formulas spread everywhere in the room. She stepped warily through until she found Nick, sitting on his bed- white, like hers had been, and plain, although there were things scattered all over it. It took him a minute to realize that she was there, but he set down the book in his lap immediately. "Yes?" He asked, eyes trained on hers.

"It's around six… Is there something I should know about meals? I don't know much around here." She said with a wince. Nick chuckled, standing.

"Well, I have some food here…" He trailed off, before quickly maneuvering out the door and back to the area with a kitchen. "I guess you haven't eaten all day. I probably should have done something about that." He muttered, and Tess walked in to Nick shuffleing through the fridge, looking for something. She stood with her arms crossed, smirking, when he straightened up holding a frozen pizza box.

"You're a bit of a pack rat, aren't you?" She asked as he stuck the pizza on a plate and in the microwave. Nick leaned back against the counter, chuckling.

He met her eyes, the look intense but she could see that vague friendliness they held. "I don't think much about eating and sleep and natural things. My mind is usually on my work too much to be distracted." He said, simply. The microwave dinged and Nick pulled out two steaming slices of pepperoni, putting out two paper plates. Tess sat at the table and he across from her, giving her a slice. She expected him to sit, but Nick didn't. "Your son needs something to eat- I could run out to the grocery store and get him something? Formula?" He asked. Tess smiled softly, because just the fact that he'd thought of Zan was good to her. She nodded and Nick grinned, grabbing his coat before running out the door. Tess took a bite of her pizza, leaning on her elbow and thinking about all the things that had happened lately. Her apparent new lifestyle with coding and work, her new live in neighbor, Nick, and all the different things happening. As she finished her slice of pizza, Tess wondered exactly what kind of work she would be doing. Putting together parts and weapons using her abilities? Fighting? She didn't feel like fighting any more, battles were hard and frustrating. She threw out her paper plate, walking back to her room. After a day of driving and fighting and new things, Tess just wanted to sleep. She didn't sleep much- none of the hybrids did- but it had sounded better and better lately. She tugged a T-shirt and shorts out of her bag, slipping them on and heading to the bathroom, brushing out her hair only to hear the door open. She ran out to where Nick stood. "I wasn't sure what kind he ate, so I grabbed a couple different brands." He said sheepishly. Tess pulled the bag away to find at least ten different types of baby foods, chuckling and looking back at him.

"You didn't have to do that." She said, opening up one of them and heading back to her room to find the Nick was following her.

"I don't mind. I like this kid." He said, standing over her by the crib. "What's his name?" Nick asked. Tess was aware that he stood behind her as she spooned mashed baby goop into her baby's mouth, and turned to look at him.

"Zan. His name is Zan." She said, softly. Nick smiled, and Tess did the same.


	3. Chapter 3

"And this is the Stargate. This can send us to known Stargates in the universe, one in particular being the Stargate on the Icarus planet." Nick said, pointing to a large silver ring with strange symbols. Tess looked at it curiously, turning to Nick and raising an eyebrow. He simply chuckled. "Icarus is a planet where most of our research is done. It has stronger power than Earth, and we hope that we can use the Stargate to its full potential and unlock the ninth and final chevron on that planet." He was looking at the gate, grinning, and Tess could tell just how much it meant to him. He turned back to her, then. "Would you like to go up there for your first day at work?" He asked.

Tess bit her lip, staring at the gate. Despite being an alien, she'd never been off of Earth, not in her human memories. Still, she nodded to Nick. "Yeah. I don't… See why not." She said, simply. Nick nodded, going to a control panel in the room and pressing some buttons until the Stargate started to spin. Tess stepped nervously closer to him, Nick only laughing in turn as some kind of shining, squirming material spurted out of the gate before forming a circle. It almost looked like thick, moving water.

"That is called the puddle. Crossing through it will take you to another planet." He said, stepping to the Stargate. Nick turned back to Tess, holding out his hand. "Follow me." He said. Tess glanced between Nick and the Stargate before reluctantly taking his hand, and letting Nick lead her through the puddle. It didn't quite feel like water- the substance felt like travelling through almost warm air, not too different but strange all at once. She reappeared on the other side of it with Nick, and the room was filled with military personnel and scientists, all working on control panels and seeing her, whispers going around the room. She heard 'alien' and 'Rush' and other gossiping words, but Tess managed to ignore it as Nick led her out of the room and out into the hall. She smiled gratefully at him once they were out of sight, he seemed to understand Tess not wanting to be stared at.

The halls were all steel and plain, with men in labcoats and military wear walking through. "Where here do you work?" Tess asked, turning to Nick. It was then that she realized she was still holding his hand, pulling away quickly and turning away.

"Down this hall." He said. Although Tess had pulled away her hand, he now put his own on the small of her back, leading Tess down the hallway they were in and through a door. The room had labtables strewn all around, with a few scientist sitting at them. They turned to the pair at the door, staring openly at the pair. In the group stood a scientist with curly brown hair, a woman with straight dark hair and slanted eyes, and a woman with sharp features, long dark hair, and in some kind of chair with a contraption that wrapped around her face.

"You found her!" The brunette cheered brightly, looking as happy as one could with an airtube in her face. Tess looked to Nick, whose face brightened seeing the brunette.

"Ah, the alien." The man said, turning back to his work. "I'm sure you'll be excited for that one, Lisa." The other woman perked up, grinning brightly and standing.

"Doctor Lisa Park. Colleague of Rush and an astrophysist for the Icarus project!" She was bright and bubbly, pumping Tess's hand up and down in her own animatedly. Tess grimaced but shook the woman's hand. "I can't believe you found an alien! Where is she from, what can she do?" The doctor prodded Tess like she was some kind of lab rat, and Tess's lip curled in disgust. Nick's hand rested on her shoulder, and he steered her around the animated brunette and towards the one in the chair.

"Tess, this is Doctor Amanda Perry, a close friend of mine. A brilliant scientist in the project, as well as a quadriplegic. Don't let that fail you- she is a genius." He said. Tess turned to Nick and she didn't like the look in his eyes- kind and warm and like Amanda was something special. She turned sharply to the other woman. Amanda's features were angular and awkward, her dark hair curtaining around her face. She didn't like her at all, but Tess was sure that had nothing to do with the way she stared at Nick, like they were something special together. "Little Miss Brilliant." He said with a smirk. Tess didn't like that smirk.

Amanda smiled back at him. "Yeah, well, he's _Mr. Brilliant." _She said with a grin. Tess nearly growled, but Nick only chuckled. How did he not notice the obvious flirtation? This was High School 101, Amanda was basically throwing herself at him! Tess detangled herself from Nick, sneering and give Amanda another once-over before turning back to Nick.

"Show me some other part of the ship?" She asked, cocking her head to the side. Something about Amanda rubbed her the wrong way, but Nick seemed oblivious. He did nod, though, waving to Amanda and leading her away from the room. Tess kept silent as they walked down the metal halls, where they found a cluster of people.

Tess found herself standing behind a guy with a dark buzz cut, wearing a thin black T-shirt and slacks. He turned and smiled to Tess. "Rush brought in a newbie?" He asked with a grin. Tess smiled, and felt Nick's hand tightening around her waist. Someone dangerous? He didn't seem dangerous.

"Alien, actually. Miss Tess Harding." Nick said, and Tess caught something between a glare and anger at the younger man, but she ignored it, not wanting to know what was going on.

She glared up at Nick- not everyone needed to know she was a weird alien. "Call me Tess." She said with a grin, and shook the military man's hand.

"Lieutenant Matthew Scott." He said with a grin. A girl came up behind, a blonde wearing military clothes as well.

"Meeting someone new without me?" She asked, resting a hand on the lieutenant's shoulder. She smiled to Tess. "Lieutenant Tamara Johansen, but everyone calls me TJ. You must be the alien Rush keeps talking about." She said with a smile. Tess shook her hand, turning to Nick raising an eyebrow.

"I might have been interested in the meeting an alien with some knowledge of coding." He said simply. Tess snickered, shaking her hand happily.

"Tess Harding." She said with a smile. The blonde looked friendly, and Tess liked her immediately. Nick didn't smile much at any of them- he didn't seem the most friendly. Tess found it mildly entertaining.

Nick walked Tess further down the hall, and Tess bumped into someone else- a bald man wearing tan army clothes. He was standing with his back to her, and turned around to look at Tess with a glare. "So. The scientist found his little green friend." He said, glaring down at Tess. She snarled. He had a stony face and Tess didn't like him immediately. Nick held onto her waist, gently tugging Tess behind him to look up at the military man. Although Nick was a good six inches taller than her at least, the military man towered over him. Still, his glare could rival the other's.

"Miss Harding is not green, in case you couldn't tell, Sergeant Spencer." He said, voice sharp and tense. The other man looked between Tess and Nick, before smirking and turning back and stalking down the hall. Tess shook her head, looking at Nick who leaned down to her ear. "Spencer isn't my favorite of the military idiots." He said, chuckling. Tess shivered- Nick's voice was thick in her ear and rumbling, but she laughed along with him. They came to another room, a similar lab with a whiteboard and messy notes all over the place.

"This one is my private room. Since you joining the project was my idea, you'll work in here." He said, showing Tess around the room. The whiteboard was covered in scribbles and drawings and mismatched messes, a lot like Nick's room back at their own home. She liked that about him- Nick was messy and disorganized and she liked it. A set of footsteps alerted Tess that they weren't alone, and she turned to see an Asian woman with a set in face and a pantsuit. She had a kind smile, but wary, as she walked into the room. Nick crossed his arms, but had a polite smile on his face, so Nick decided that she couldn't be so bad.

"Hello, Tess. I'm Camile Wray, one of the representatives from the IOA for the Icarus Project." Her voice was pressed and light, studious but kind. Camile shook Tess's hand, smiling tightly. "I was the one who originally found the files on you and gave them to Doctor Rush." She said, nodding to Nick. Tess smiled. "I've heard many good things, Miss Harding." She said brightly.

Tess smiled, taking away her hand. Too many people had shaken her hand today, more people were being friendly than she was used to. "Everything seems… Very exciting." Tess said, smiling gently. It wasn't all that exciting, really- all she knew about what was going on was that there were a lot of people involved, and something about the Stargates. She glanced to Nick, who had a peeved look on his face. It seemed that Camile had noticed it too, and she decided to take her leave then.

"I'll leave to two of you to discuss the project. Rush, don't leave out any important details." She said, looking Nick up and down like she didn't trust him. Tess got that feeling about most everyone- they didn't like Nick, nor did they trust him. Tess wasn't sure if _she _should, but Nick was the closest thing she had to a friend right then, and letting go of that wouldn't be a good idea. Tess hopped up on a desk in the room as Camile left, looking Nick in the eyes. He cringed, sitting in a chair by the whiteboard and looking up at her.

"That's about everyone who truly matters to the project. The ones you'll spend most of your time with you've already met- Mandy, Doctor Park, and a couple of the military idiots here. However, most of your time will be spent with me." Nick said, glancing away. Tess couldn't tell if it was because he didn't want that, or didn't think she would. She didn't mind- no one had been anywhere near nice to Tess in a long time, so she would be happy having someone else in her life, to care about her. What she didn't much understand was why he would want her there- it wasn't like Tess had had any actual experience with alien technology, not much anyway. But Nick didn't necessarily know that, she supposed. Tess sighed, glancing at him. When she looked back to Nick, he had a slight smile playing on his face that reassured her, and he stepped to the board in the center of the room, moving to explain some of the algorithms she would be working on.

The day had been exhausting. After she and Nick had gotten away from people, he had spent a long time explaining different mathematical equations, how to dial a Stargate, long, tedious works. He didn't seem to realize that Tess still had the focus of a teenage girl- she might have higher mental capacity, but that didn't mean Tess was wired to actually _listen _to any of it. Nick seemed frustrated, which was actually sort of funny on him. She could tell he didn't like that she thought so. It was around nine when they had gotten back to their home- Nick had almost insisted on working later, but Tess and one of the military guys had forced him to go and eat and get some sleep.

They trudged through the door, Tess immediately pulling one of the TV dinners that Nick stuffed hastily in his freezer out and popping it in the microwave, sitting beside him on the couch in the living room-like area they had. "You need to work on your living habits." She said, lounging across from him. She had laid down so that she was spread out, arms behind her head, across the couch. Nick was sitting there, and while he was relaxed, his back was still straight and he didn't loosen. It was like even when he wasn't working, he was still working. Nick turned to her, raising one eyebrow questioningly. Tess chuckled. "You're a packrat, you don't go out anywhere but to work, and your main source of protein is coffee!" She nearly shouted, pointing to the rusty, well-used coffee machine in the corner. "And…" Tess said, picking up the remote, and it was as she thought. "You've hardly used this TV. You don't even know how to live!" She groaned, hands landing on her eyes like it was so shameful, how he lived. She peeked through her fingers to see Nick staring at her questioningly, before he chuckled, clicking off the TV and looking at her. He just looked at her for a minute, before the microwave _dinged. _Tess nearly jumped a foot in the air, but Nick only calmly went to the microwave, taking out a tray. It was a mush of Thanksgiving food- some kind of fried turkey legs, mashed potatoes, and something that looked like it could have been once corn. Tess grimaced, and Nick just smirked. The plate was made to serve two, so he put food on two separate plates for them as Tess sat down.

"I'm really not kidding, though." She said, taking a bite of the turkey, the food that looked the least menacing, and speaking around her food. "You might be a scientist, but that is no excuse to be a dork!" She cried, the fork in her hand going out, and the bits of food on it flying across the room and smacking against the wall. Her face turned bright red, and Tess ducked her head back down to her food. "Sorry." She murmured, taking another bite.

"Actually, being a dork is _exactly _what a scientist is." Nick said, taking a triumphant bite of the corn and grimacing at the taste. "I learned that much at college." He said, shoulders shaking with silent laughter. Tess raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"Somehow I doubt it does. The other scientists up there didn't seem all that dorky!" She tapped a finger on her chin, thinking, before pointing to Nick. "You could go out to a club, get a girlfriend or something!" She said, her eyes bright. The idea didn't actually please Tess much- something about Nick with other women made her feel like something was boiling inside her, the same way she was when she got angry and the skins burned, that same feeling she got when Nick looked at Amanda, but she ignored it. Tess knew from her life- studying seduction, being a… Well, a stripper, that men relaxed more when they had some sex.

That didn't stop Nick from choking on his bite of turkey, however. He stared at her like she had said something strange, but Tess only giggled and spooned up some mashed potatoes. Nick shook his head, wearing a look that said something along the lines of _this alien is crazy. _"I don't need to be less dorky, nor do I need a _girlfriend." _He sound, pronouncing the word like it was putrid. "The last woman I was with was my wife, and that didn't go to well." He muttered. Tess cringed inwardly, remembering what he had told her about his late wife. She wanted to apologize, but the best she could do was stuff more mashed potatoes down her throat and hope she didn't say another dumb thing.

"Besides." Nick said, interrupting Tess from her thoughts of wishing she could hide under the table, feeling bad for what she'd said. "I doubt there are many women interested in me. You could go to one of the clubs yourself, find some young, strong imbecile and enjoy yourself." He said, waving his hand as he looked away toward his food. Tess turned up her nose.

"I nearly had a young, strong imbecile, before this. And, I worked at a strip club. Young strong men are often the ones who like to touch without paying." She said, shaking her head and stabbing at a piece of corn. Out of the corner of her eye, Nick shuddered.

"You're making me lose my appetite." He said, standing abruptly and tossing his plate and leftover food in the trash. "Whoever those men were sound disgusting." He said, leaning against the counter. His eyes strayed from Tess's face for a moment, scanning the rest of her in seconds, before he disappeared from the room with the final words, "You deserve better than those… Imbeciles."

Tess was left thinking about his words as she finished eating, but memories of working at the strip club left her with little to no appetite as well. She cleared off her plate, as the door to their house rang. The Icarus project had paid for a trusted woman to take care of Zan for the day while Tess worked, and as she peered out the window, Tess saw her holding her son. She opened the door, thanking the woman and taking the little boy into her arms. Zan was growing well, and Tess hated that her work made it hard to see her son grow up so much, but she knew that Zan would do well with the program, and it was better to see him raised by them than her- Tess had no experience with children, and wasn't sure if she would do much right if she was all by herself again. She sighed, walking back to her own room and sitting on her bed with Zan. She rocked the baby back and forth in her arms, when Tess heard the door swing open. Nick was leaning against her doorframe, looking in on Tess and Zan.

"How many weeks?" Nick asked, looking at them. Tess looked down at Zan. She hadn't kept good count of how old he was- she couldn't even be a good mother- but she knew something like the number.

"Fifteen." She said, looking up at Nick. "He was born on March 11th. His first word was 'heel'." She said with a laugh. Nick chuckled, and Tess felt the bed dip beside her. He was sitting with her. Nick reached out a tentative hand, and tickled Zan's toes. He gurgled, and Tess laughed.

"Heel? Is there a story behind that?" Nick asked. Tess laughed.

"His mom was a stripper. I talked about heels enough around him- buying them, wearing them, breaking them- that the word sort of grew on him, I think. If he were a normal kid, people would probably tease him when he started at school." Tess said, going from happy to upset in seconds. She knew Zan could never have a normal life, but the thought still pained her. She was determined to have him get a better life than she had, though. He might be raised by a murderer, but Zan would learn not to hurt others, to be good, real moral values. She might not even tell him about alien abilities, not until he was older, at least. "He's completely human, you know." She said quietly, watching Zan's hand wrap around her finger. "All human DNA." She said, standing and putting her son back in his crib.

Nick only nodded, standing from the bed. "Was his father alien, or human?" He asked, cocking his head. Tess's eyes darkened at the thought of Max. She tried to avoid thinking of him, and she loved Zan, but she hated his father. It wasn't Max, not really- it was what he stood for. What Tess had to go through.

"He's like me. Half alien, half human." She said, looking down at the ground. She could tell Nick wanted to ask more, but he didn't, and Tess was grateful. Maybe someday, when she trusted him more, Tess would tell him about her past, and Max and Nasedo and Liz, but now? Now things were new and she didn't know what to feel. Now… Now wasn't the time for her dark past. Now was the time to figure out her present.


	4. Chapter 4

Tess sat at her home on the military base, pushing a fried wanton around in the broth of her soup. It had been four hours since she'd left Icarus at five, when Nick had said he had 'something to do' and left as well. She didn't know why, but the fact that he wasn't home yet made her anxious.

Zan was asleep, and Tess had ordered Chinese, sitting around and waiting for Nick to get back. It was stupid to wait for him, of course- Nick would get home fine, there was nothing to worry about, and she was tired. When had Tess Harding ever cared about another person, a human, even?

Well, there was Kyle. Memories of Kyle tended to sit in Tess's mind and haunt her- someone who she knew she had cared about, and despite the fact that he hadn't felt the same way; Kyle still made his way into Tess's mind often. He was proof that, even if the other hybrids could have love with humans, she couldn't. It was simple, easy. Tess didn't have to even consider love, not really- and she knew she'd never honestly loved Kyle. If she had, she would have gone after him and none of the things that happened would have happened. If she had loved him, hell, she wouldn't have slept with Max Evans! Still, Kyle was proof. Kyle was proof that Tess shouldn't and couldn't love.

She sighed, standing and pushing away the soup halfheartedly. She had ordered it expecting Nick to get home- they tended to have meals together, more for convenience than anything else, when he didn't stay out too late. Tess had been excited, actually. Nick would get home earlier, and she would have someone to spend the evening with and company and not be alone for hours at a time. It was a stupid thought, but with Nick she felt like she had a friend, or just someone there. She couldn't have friends- the last time she had had friends, she had nearly been the cause of all their deaths and killed one of them, Alex. Tess started to pace, being sure that she kept quiet. Zan was sound asleep in her room, but she really didn't want to wake up her son simply by being nervous over Nick.

And why should she be nervous over Nick? He was just… Him. He was the man who recruited her for this project, who found out she was an alien, he shouldn't matter to her. It had been about a month since Tess had started working with him, and while perhaps most of their time was spent together, it wasn't like she was… Attached to him.

Was she?

Tess's thoughts were interrupted by a banging on the door. She grinned, stifling it immediately, at the thought of Nick coming home. She walked to the door opening it, and was immediately greeted by the sight of Nick, stumbling into the doorframe before tumbling into their house like his legs were made of jello. She caught him by his forearms from falling, holding him up so that she could look into Nick's eyes.

"Tess." He whispered. Nick's eyes were bloodshot and drooping, and he looked like hell. His hair was a greasy, disgusting mess, and shirt askew. A deep purple bruise seemed to be forming over his left eye, if she could guess correctly.

"Nick! Are you… Drunk?" She asked, timidly. Nick snarled, forcing her away from him, but that threw him off balance, making him teeter until he had to lean on the door to stay upright.

"'Course I'm fucking drunk." He slurred, accent thicker than she had ever heard it, almost to the point where Tess couldn't understand a word. She awkwardly wrapped her arms around his waist, trying to help Nick get to somewhere more comfortable. He was already nearly collapsing in her arms, too drunk to do anything other than stumble along with her.

She nearly fell down with him when Nick plopped down onto the couch, barely managing not to fall on top of him and covering her blush by rushing out of the room, checking that Zan was still asleep, before going back to their living room. He was lying on the couch, looking tense. Tess sighed, looking at him. She half wanted to feel sympathy and help him, and half wanted to call him an idiot for getting drunk.

"What were you doing out drinking?" She asked, shaking her head and sitting on the edge of the bed. With a tentative hand, Tess reached out to see what was wrong with his eye. Nick winced when she brushed over the bruise, pulling away on instinct. Tess sighed, covering the bruise with one hand and healing the injury. Nick sighed, relaxing a little against the pillow and closing his eyes. Tess thought he would fall asleep, but then he spoke.

"It's May 27th." He said, the words slightly slurred but very much audible. Tess brushed hair away from his face to look at Nick. He looked relaxed, tired. "Seventeen years from today, Gloria and I married. It's been three years since she died." He said, his voice barely a whisper. All thoughts of being angry or upset that Nick went out drinking vanished with those words. She took his hand in hers, trying to be kind and help at all. She squeezed his hand. Tess might be an alien, she might have never been meant to have human feelings, but she could at least try. "Wanted to forget… Ended up at O'Daniels Bar." He muttered. Tess bit her lip. She couldn't think of what to say, but maybe it was better to just let Nick talk things out and have someone there. "I lost count of how many whiskeys I had. Got into a fight with some guy in the bar, don't really remember what for." He chuckled, and Tess tried to laugh, but it came out as more of a breathy gust of air. "You should have seen the other guy. He's in worse condition than I am." He said with a rye smile. Tess squeezed his hand once more, and saw Nick's smile tilt up into something more real. "I was an idiot and drove home, no condition to drive." He shrugged, finally slumping down against the couch, tired. Tess cooed, trying to console and help him relax.

"You aren't an idiot." She said softly. Nick smiled, eyes closed, but Tess knew he didn't really believe her. "I'm sorry about your wife. About Gloria." Tess stroked his hair gently, wishing she could keep him from pain. She swallowed tightly. The only person she'd ever felt the need to care about was Zan, she didn't want to feel that way. But looking at Nick, she knew she didn't have a choice in the matter. Hesitantly, Tess kissed his forehead, seeing that Nick was already half asleep. But when she sat up to look at him one more time, he had a genuine smile on. Tess sighed, deciding to let him sleep there, and curled up in the chair in their living room to sleep herself and be sure he was alright.

"Thank you for healing me last night." Tess heard faintly, and she blinked her eyes open from sleep. She was sitting on the chair in the living room, and Nick stood above her, smiling down at her and holding two cups of coffee, one in each hand. He held the left out to her, taking a sip from the right. Tess took the coffee from him, taking a long drink and feeling a jolt of energy.

"It's no problem." She said, setting down the mug on the table at her side and looking back at him. Nick was smiling softly down at her, and sat down on the couch, rubbing a hand on his head.

"I have a killer hangover… Did I say anything, last night, when I got home?" He asked. Tess chuckled, looking down at her hands.

"Nothing too bad. You said it was your anniversary, with your wife who died. Good reason to go drinking." She said with a smile, but he cringed, sitting down by her side and draining the last of his coffee. Tess watched him warily, as he set down his mug and rested back against the couch looking at her, with wide brown eyes and his brown-grey hair framing his features.

"I'm sorry you had to see me like that." He said, running a hand through his hair and looking ashamed. "I usually keep things like that… Like Gloria, inside. You shouldn't have to deal with my shite." He said, the word pronounced because of his Scottish brogue. Tess hated that he had to deal with that- she knew what it was like, to not have to person she loved. Not exactly, of course- Ava, the bit of Ava still alive inside of her, loved the idea of Zan, loved him so much, but he was gone to Max, who loved Liz, and Tess knew she had to accept that. She sighed, meeting Nick's eyes again.

He was just as alone as she was. Tess had Zan, of course, her child, but he was more lonely. She had never quite thought of Nick that way- he seemed happy alone. And maybe he was, she thought. Maybe Nick enjoyed his life- eating meals by himself, spending all his time alone save for when Amanda came to talk to him and Tess herself. But Tess suspected that he didn't- he was alone and people tended to think that he was just a lonely old man who didn't need anyone. There was more, she could see it, she could tell when she knew she acted the same. They were the same- alone. Couldn't they be alone together?

Sighing, Tess rested her hand on top of his on the couch armrest. Nick's eyes had been closed, trying to get away from a bad hangover, but he blinked them open to look at her. Tess smiled, although it was half-hearted because they were both in bad places and neither one of them could really be happy, and said, "If you get to deal with mine, can't I deal with yours?" Nick chuckled, turning over his palm so that his fingers could curl in with hers. It was intimate- holding hands, like this. Tess hadn't planned on that, on feeling close to him, but suddenly she realized just how much she did. What she didn't expect was a flood of images into her mind, moments later. She was quick enough to block off her own mind- she couldn't tell him everything, not about Max and Liz and Nasedo, all of them- but his mind was suddenly open to her. The first thing she saw was a shipyard and a young Nick, studying in the midst of workers. The thoughts of focus, of frustration, of determination to get out of his life. Graduation from Oxford, a sense of pride, of power. Marriage, she saw a beautiful blonde woman marrying Nick and the feeling of love, something that seemed so rare for him, and happiness. And then her diagnosis of cancer, and feeling pure, pure pain and she was watching as Gloria deteriorated and lost her life, her saying "Nicholas!", "Nick, please, listen to me!", "I was never your conscience, Nick.". He felt _guilt, _so much guilt, watching her coffin lowered into the ground as he joined the Stargate program and worked through all of it.

Tess blinked again, and the only one in front of her was Nick now, hand on hers, staring at her. Tess knew about that ability- to look into another person's heart and soul, to see their life through their eyes. She'd seen it with Max- when they had slept together and kissed, whenever they held hands, she had seen Liz, always Liz, perfect pure Liz. A few times she'd seen more of Kyle- the way he honestly felt about his father, how much he truly looked up to him, and how much he hid that having someone like Tess in his life, an honest friend, mattered to him. But not like this- she'd never felt so strongly who anyone was like this. She could see how Nick really felt, she felt like she'd been there watching his wife die before his eyes, she felt like physically crying from feeling his pain. "Where did you go just now?" He asked.

She shook her head after a minute, standing and putting her coffee cup in the sink, not looking at him as she did so. "Nothing." She said, trying to keep her voice from wavering, and walked back to her own room. She didn't know what to think of the things she'd seen in Nick's mind, who he was.

Or the fact that the last image she'd seen in his mind was of her.


	5. Chapter 5

Four months. Four months since Tess had started working with Nick on Icarus, a few weeks since he'd gotten drunk on the anniversary of marrying his deceased wife. Seven months since Zan was born- that she could hardly forget, he would be turning one in July. Eight months since she left Roswell and the granolith landed in Colorado instead of Antar, and Fifteen since Nasedo's death. She sighed, leaning against the lab table in one of the rooms on Icarus. It was late at night- no one was in the building but her and Nick. He'd gotten started on a formula and spent all day focused on it, and Tess knew if she stayed he would be up all night.

She turned her head to look at him. He was staring at a line of numbers- she couldn't tell what it meant, both because her knowledge of codes and formulas wasn't at his level and because it had been scribbled messily on the white board in front of him. But it wasn't the equations she was thinking about, it was the man himself.

Nick wore his glasses- he didn't always wear them, his vision wasn't horrible, but it made working easier. His back was turned to her, but Tess could easily imagine Nick's face, how the glasses made him look studious and brilliant. His short, sweeping hair, graying at the temples. The collar of his white button down, crisp as always but the fabric a bit rumpled from working all day. And jeans, the dark blue denim he always wore, and that belt that was so classic to him. Her eyes strayed down to his ass- not bad, she noted. Nick was hardly the specimen of a hunk or a classic catch, but he had a nice build. A bit wiry, but there was a strength underneath and aggression that she liked.

Sure, she'd thought of Nick as attractive before, in passing. She had only fairly found two men attractive- Max and Kyle. Max was really more the alien half of her wanting her Zan, but she lost any feeling for him. Watching him and Liz together in his mind and seeing how he was so in love with someone else, she knew there was hardly any trace of the alien king left. And Kyle was there for her, she still cared about him, but after everything he wouldn't want to see her anyhow.

It was a few minutes later of staring at Nick that he seemed to realize what Tess was doing. He turned halfway to look at her and met her eyes. "Something wrong?" He asked, cocking one eyebrow. Tess shrugged, and he put down his marker and walked to her instead. That was a bit surprising- Nick didn't tend to stop in the middle of his work for anyone.

"Just thinking." She said, tapping her fingers on the table. It was a habit most anyone who went through her mindwarps had, but she had gotten it somehow as well. "I was thinking about how I got here. What's led me to Icarus, to working here?" She asked. It was a valid question- a half-alien studying all of this wasn't exactly conventional.

"What was your life like before?" He asked, raising an eyebrow curiously. "I know that you were an alien in Roswell, but not about why you were, what you were doing there." Nick was leaning calmly against the lab table, looking at Tess, but her stomach had jumbled into knots. She had been glad that no one had asked about her past on Icarus, and had been avoiding it. The memories hurt and she could still get in trouble for killing Alex, and she didn't want Nick to hear about how horrible she'd been, the reason of which she didn't want to look into.

Sighing and looking down at the ground, Tess bit down on her lip. "There were three others like me. Max, Isabel, and Michael. The three of us were in pods in the desert in Roswell from the crash to sometime around 1982. They left the pods earlier than I did- I came out later, and found Nasedo, my… Mentor." She said mentor, but that was more or less an exaggeration. He certainly hadn't been a father, Nasedo had made that clear when she was little. She'd asked if he loved her one day, out of the blue, and he had just laughed and told her that love was for humans- love was pointless and wrong. They were better than humans and didn't deal with such trivial things as emotions. He didn't love her, and she didn't love him. It had been Tess's way of life.

"We found out that we were hybrids- half alien, half human. Max was King Zan, Isabel was Princess Vilandra, Michael was Rath, in charge of the guards, and I was Queen Ava." She said, closing her eyes and thinking back. Her alien half was getting farther and farther away, harder to remember. There were only fleeting memories, now. "We were the royal four on a planet called Antar. I, Ava, was married to Zan. Vilandra and Rath were married as well. It was on this planet that there was a war- and the royal four were killed." She said, finally looking into his eyes to find warmth there. Tess liked that, and hoped it wouldn't disappear because of the things she'd done.

She turned around, facing the room instead of Nick. Looking into his eyes when she told her story sounded torturous- to tell Nick, someone she was learning to care about, how she had been the villain and traitor and stabbed her own people in the back. "Nasedo found me alone, probably eight. He made a deal on the other planet with the invaders- to bring the child of the original king and queen back to be the new ruler of Antar. He trained me to do that- I would find Max, formerly known as Zan, and have his son." She said, biting her lip. Ava was still inside her somewhere and got a twinge of emotion thinking that Max, with Zan inside of him, hated her. Wanted her dead. "We eventually got to Roswell and found the aliens, but Max had fallen in love with a human. Liz." She said, saying the other girl's name like it was poisonous. "Nasedo soon died, and I continued on in Roswell with his plan. I had a human, one of their friends, find me a way to get everyone home to Antar without them finding out, using mindwarping."

Tess stared down at the ground at this part, afraid of his reaction. "I used mindwarping so much that he went insane. I had to kill him so his mind wouldn't fall apart." She said, biting down on her lip. Nick's hand rested on her shoulder gently, and Tess turned. She didn't see fear or hatred in his eyes, though. It was… Something Tess couldn't recognize. "After that, we almost got home. I slept with Max, and was pregnant with Zan, and planted the instructions to get back home. It was right before we left that Liz found out what I'd done. The other hybrids and their human friends hated me and wanted me dead. I escaped on a spaceship, but it never actually got to Antar- I landed in Colorado. And, after that, I had Zan and became a stripper. And then I found you." She finished, looking back to Nick.

He looked… Sympathetic? Maybe? Kind… She couldn't tell. She didn't see disgust, and that brought her relief. He swallowed, and Tess gave him a small smile. "You don't deserve that." He whispered. Tess scoffed, turning around again and away from him.

"I actually do. I was a killer; I hurt the only people who were the same _species _as me. I'm worthless." She said, bitterly.

"No, you aren't worthless. You're beautiful and smart and amazing, Tess." He said, quietly. Tess's head fell as a tear slipped out past her lashes and down her cheek.

"You're not making any sense. The one person I was told was my true love didn't want me. I wasn't smart enough to do the one thing I was meant to do my entire life, and I'm the farthest from amazing possible." She said, biting down on her lip to keep from sobbing. It was Nick who grabbed her by her hips, spinning her around so she was against the counter, facing him. His hands _shook _as he cupped her cheek, thumb drawing under her eye and wiping away a stray tear. Tess looked at him with shock at the action. Despite the near aggressive hold and stance he had, his eyes showed weakness and gentle and caring, an emotion she didn't think people displayed for her.

"Beautiful. Even when you cry, you're beautiful. You're smart, smarter than I am, probably. You're funny and sweet and the most wild and exciting alien, or human, I've ever known. And you're amazing- you shine and you are bright and…" Nick trailed off, and Tess looked in his eyes, searching for something, an answer to why he was saying this. Nick was panting over her, and suddenly he was everywhere on her- lips pressed to her own, one hand on the small of her back holding her to him and the other buried in her hair while his lips slanted over hers.

Tess's eyes were wide open when Nick kissed her, but as soon as his hands started to caress her sides, she sighed, relaxing and closing her eyes. As soon as the were shut, flashes of stars and constellations and planets ran through her mind, beautiful images, and Tess finally knew what they had meant when they talked about what it was like to kiss someone as an alien when you _cared _about them. Chills ran down her spine when his tongue flicked out to her lower lip, seeking entrance. Tess opened to him immediately, as Nick's tongue invaded her mouth, searching for the places that made her moan. His tongue stroked the roof of her mouth until Tess's knees shook, and she sighed into his mouth, hands tangling in his brown and gray strands and tugging to ask for more. Nick moaned when she tugged at his hair, getting a stronger grip on Tess's hips and hoisted her up to sit on counter and separated from her, pulling away from her mouth.

His eyes were entirely black with lust, and Tess was sure her own were the same. She panted above him, and Tess smirked, attacking his mouth with hers again and twining her tongue with his, relishing Nick's moan. If his hands hadn't gripped at her hips desperately, Tess would have thought he was in pain. It was his hands that slipped under her labcoat, tugging it off of Tess's arms roughly and wrapping his own around her, taking Tess's knee and bringing it over his hip. Tess gasped, feeling something hard pressing against her through her jeans. She wriggled her hips and Nick bucked helplessly, thrusting against her with his head burying into her neck. He kissed her throat, latching his mouth around her skin and sucking hard, scraping his teeth. Tess clung to him, keening desperately. His hand started to tug off her blouse until it was gone, blonde curls spilling over her shoulders. Tess wore a blue lace bra, and as she looked down, Nick was gazing at her chest like he wanted to devour her.

His mouth was on her chest in seconds, licking the sweaty, salty space between her breasts and moaning. "Good, Tess." He murmured, lapping at the skin. He fumbled by her shoulder blades but managed to unclasp her bra, pulling it roughly off of Tess's shoulders and tossing it away, pulling back to get a glimpse at her bare breasts. His hand cupped her breast, thumb stroking over the nipple, and Tess's head fell back in ecstasy. He smirked, before wrapping his mouth around the rose-colored tip, and Tess's nails bit into his scalp as she groaned. His other hand came to the breast he wasn't currently teasing with his teeth and tongue, tweaking the nipple and pulling it into a hardened point. Tess gasped, and pulled him away by his hair to kiss his lips, tugging at the fabric of his shirt and trying to get all the buttons undone.

She didn't know what she was doing, but suddenly his shirt was off and his hands were around her arse, pushing her close and grinding against her. They both still wore jeans, and his hands had started to try and unclasp hers, fumbling before managing to get the button loose and slide the zipper down before gently tugging them away from her legs, running the tip of his tongue along her thigh following the fabric. Tess bit into her lip to keep from shouting- the small motion felt so good and watching his mouth on her was driving her mad. And then he was kissing his way back up, pausing to breathe in the scent of her at her panties before licking his way up her stomach and back to her throat.

"Do you want me, Tess?" He whispered. It was an important question- this had gone so fast that Tess hadn't paused to honestly consider what she wanted. But his hand had gone to cup her through her knickers and two fingers were pressing against her clit, and her mind scattered.

"Yes!" She bucked against his hand. Nick chuckled before taking the hem of her panties and tugging them forcefully down. She could feel the way he was so holding back, he was _aggressive, _he was dominating and he knew what he wanted and it was sexy. He pulled back a bit to unbuckle his jeans and push them to his knees, quickly followed by his boxers. Tess licked her lips, seeing his length brush the hair on his stomach, how hard he was for her with fluid at the tip. She glanced back at his face. He looked very, very aroused, but there was something else- insecurity. He was worried she wouldn't want this, somehow. She wrapped an arm around him by his neck and the other took his cock in hand, lining it up with her entrance and slowly pulling him in. She moaned and he cursed under his breath, burying his head in the spot where her shoulder met her throat.

She stayed still for a second when he was buried in her, until he kissed her temple and grabbed for her knees, pulling them up so that he slid in deeper and her legs were wrapped around his waist, then plunged himself roughly into her as hard as he could. His balls hit her arse, and Tess gasped, grabbing for his shoulders. His hands landed at her hips so that he could pull out of her before slamming hard back in. She bit down on his throat to stifle her shout, and Nick grunted. His hand reached between them, rubbing hard at her clit. Tess had never felt _anything _so good. Max hadn't known what he was doing when they slept together, but Nick knew where and how to touch her, what she liked, and what made her scream.

"How is it, Tess?" He murmured into her ear, biting down and thrusting hard into her. She nearly shouted. He was deep and his thrusts were hard and perfect, hitting some place inside of her that made her whole body convulse.

"So good." She moaned. "Nick, just keep… God, Nick… _Yes!" _She tried to keep from shouting, they were still on Icarus, but she couldn't manage it. Nick clamped his mouth over hers and grunted with her scream when she came. Her vision went nearly blind, and she saw stars behind her eyes, space and light and brightness. It was like floating and livid and feeling alive.

She wasn't sure what had happened when she came back to real life- her head was on Nick's shoulder and her arms around his neck, angry red marks all over his shoulders and upper back. She was panting slightly, and his arms were almost limp around her waist, head on top of hers. "That… That was amazing." He said, caressing her back soothingly. Tess nodded against his shoulder, nose against his neck and breathing in his scent.

That was when it hit her. This was the scent of Nick and sweat and _sex, _and suddenly the memory of sleeping with Max flashed into her mind, and then the memory of him wanting her dead was in her mind, and the pain of that. She couldn't let that happen with Nick. She finally had someone else in her life who didn't hate her and she wouldn't betray, and like the backstabbing slut she had become she'd slept with him. Tess hurriedly disentangled from Nick, hopping down from the table and grabbing what clothes she could salvage.

"Where are you going?" Nick asked as she pulled on her panties and bra- only half-buckled, just enough- and struggled to get her blouse on. She didn't answer, picking up her jeans and pulling them on, too. She just had to get out. They could forget this had happened, it didn't have to matter at all. If she pushed it away long enough, maybe. She finally had on her jeans and blouse messily, slipping on her flip flops and trying to rush out the door when he grabbed her wrist. "Tess, why are you leaving?!" He asked, anger sharp in his voice. She finally turned to meet his eyes. It was only then that she realized her eyes were filling up with tears.

"I'm sorry." She said quietly, before wrenching her hand away and running down the halls of Icarus as quickly as she could, quicker than Nick could.

It was twenty minutes later that she'd made it through the gate from Icarus to Earth, the military base, and back to their house. It wasn't the best place- Nick could easily find her at home- but she hoped that locking the door and using her powers on it to keep it from being unlocked from the outside would be enough. She'd stopped at the military base and asked them to keep Zan overnight. She could hardly take care of herself tonight, let alone a child who had to depend on her.

Once she'd gotten into her room, Tess curled into her bed, under the covers. It was dark, no light could get in. Maybe it was best that way. Maybe Nick was her light, something that shined bright and maybe could feel good for a second, but she could just get burned. She could get burned so easily, and she couldn't _take _it this time. Her tears spilled onto the sheets of her bed, sobbing softly.

A little while later, she heard the door _bang _open. "Tess!" He shouted. Tess swallowed, scared and curled tighter into her covers, wishing she could disappear. "Tess Harding!" He repeated, closer to her door. Although she heard anger and frustration in his voice, there was something else. _Longing. _Fear. Hurt. He was worried about her. Tess almost went to open the door, to tell him about why she'd ran, but the image in her mind of Max screaming '_TELL ME WHY!' _and '_DON'T YOU EVER CALL HER THAT!' _and _'How could I __**ever **__fall in love with you, how could I ever marry you?' _was in her mind and she couldn't _breathe _and if Nick said any of those things to her she knew she wouldn't last another day.

He had gotten to the door, he was banging on the door and shouting her name, but she could hardly hear him over the blood pounding in her ears. "Tess! Tess! Please let me in Tess, please!" He was shouting, she could hear his fists hitting her bedroom door, but soon it faded out into dull thuds and sobs, he was crying. Tess wanted to let him in, her heart was breaking for him, but she couldn't do it. She would mess it up, she would mess everything up and he would hate her just like they all did.

"Please, Tess." He whispered. He'd quieted down now and her sobs were going silent as hear tears dried up. She couldn't, no matter how much it hurt.

She couldn't let him in.


	6. Chapter 6

It's been a week since she slept with Nick. One week exactly. They've barely spoken to each other since then. She fell asleep after that night and the next morning, he was gone. She saw him later at work the next morning. He was standing with Amanda in one of the labs. She thought about going to see him, about trying to talk, but decided it would be best if they just not. Maybe things could go back to normal. He caught her eye later that day when she walked into the wrong room, but she left a second later. He didn't follow.

It stayed this way for the next few days. He went out late (she guessed drinking or working himself harder on Icarus) and was always gone when she woke up. Whenever they crossed paths, she would duck her head and walk away. People on Icarus had started to notice, too- Lieutenant Scott and TJ had even asked what had happened, but she usually made an excuse or changed the subject.

Although they weren't talking, she knew the next day that he simply wasn't at work. She heard from Young why. Late the night while she had been at home, a call had come in. The project had put a version of the code into a computer game in the hopes that someone not involved but smart enough would crack it, and they had. Nick had gone to congratulate the boy, Eli Wallace, and take him up to Icarus. Although Tess was happy they would hopefully reach the ninth chevron, she knew that it would hurt Nick that it wasn't him who found the solution. She wished what happened that day hadn't, so that she could've comforted him somehow.

She'd come out to the entrance of the base to see Nick return, along with the senator who was sponsoring the project, Eli, his assistant, and one of the military men who had come along. She was leaning against one of the rock structures when they materialized into view. "And this is Icarus." Nick said, giving an, albeit fake, smile to the group. The senator and his assistant had both seen it, but Eli seemed dazzled by the sight. He was also a pudgy teenager. Tess snarled. She and Nick were avoiding each other, but she had an immediate distaste for the kid who'd beat him. Young went to talk to the group, and Nick went to lean against the wall by her, waiting to enter.

"Hey." She said quietly, looking down at the ground.

"Miss Harding." Nick hissed. So he was angry with her. He had every right to be, of course. She had ran. She didn't have a choice, but he still had every right to be angry. He looked back at the group, who looked like they'd finished talking. "Shall we go inside?" He asked. They nodded and walked in. Tess followed after, trailing behind the group.

"So, are you the alien they found?" The assistant asked, slowing down to walk beside Tess.

"Half-alien." She murmured. She didn't feel like talking to the assistant. She seemed fake and girly and irritating.

Although Tess had thought she made it pretty clear she didn't feel like talking, the assistant continued. "My name's Chloe. My dad's the senator." She winced. "And you're Tess! It was Rush who found you." Tess only nodded.

"Wait, wait, wait. You're an alien?" Eli asked, incredulous. Tess rolled her eyes.

Before she could respond, Nick did it for her. "Yes, Miss Harding is half alien. She was originally from a planet called Antar, DNA spliced with that of humans." When he said it, it made her sound so scientific. He didn't even look at her. He wasn't even calling her by her first name. He'd always treated her like a human, not some kind of specimen. She tried not to be hurt by it.

They stood in the gate room, Nick in front of one of the consoles. The military men, senator, and Eli all watched the gate, Tess working one of the dials. She listened to Nick explaining everything about the gate, the same sort of story she'd heard when he explained everything about the project a few months ago. It was then that they started to turn on the gate and see if Eli's proof worked. Tess knew it was wrong, but she hoped it wouldn't- she knew how much it would disappoint Nick if he knew that some teenager like Eli could solve the code when he couldn't.

"Match the power requirements down to the EMU." He said, walking to the screen Tess was staring at. He was closer to her than he'd been in a week- she could feel his warm breath against her neck. But she ignored it, working with shaking hands to do as he said.

"Power levels of the gate capacitors are going into the red." She warned.

"Shut it down!" Young commanded.

"Wait, wait, wait." Nick said, holding out a hand. Tess wanted to follow his orders, but he'd already hit the dial that shut down the gate and she had no choice. They talked for a little while- Tess didn't pay much attention and started to mess with the calculations and see if she could figure something out. When the group of them left- dragging Eli along with them, much to Nick's complaints- she stayed back instead of going to dinner. She decided not to socialize. Tess wasn't a big fan of most of them and she wanted to see if she could do another to help Nick, until she realized that all but the two of them were gone.

Tess swallowed nervously, trying to work but she knew that across the room Nick was working at a whiteboard. She couldn't help glancing back, either. She knew exactly what he was doing by the way he walked and moved- he was trying to work himself through his emotions. She'd seen it, and she knew that he couldn't just do it all the time- eventually he had to stop and get a hold of himself. Against her best judgments, she stood, walking to him. "You're going to work yourself half to death." She said quietly. From what she could tell, he hadn't heard her.

"I'll be absolutely fine." He murmured.

Tess shook her head and laid a hand down on his shoulder to reassure him. "No, you're not. Just relax." She whispered.

Nick turned, grabbing her wrist roughly, forcing her to look at him. "How can I fucking relax, Tess?" He nearly shouted, glaring down at her. She wasn't tall enough that they were eye-to-eye, but so close that she could look up to see anger and hurt and a thousand warring emotions in him. "You just walked away from me after everything and said 'I'm sorry', what am I supposed to think? I've been going on all week that I hurt you, that I did something wrong, you won't even talk to me!" He shouted. He was scaring her, Tess was shaking, but so was he. He was on the edge of tears. It was amazing to her how much emotion he had when he was able to feel it and open to it.

"I…" She tried to speak, but no words would come out. She didn't know what to say. Her mind had gone blank save for thinking about how she'd hurt him, how she'd done so much wrong and didn't know how to fix it. They were both staring at each other with near blank expressions, and his eyes were going in between anger and something else. She swallowed nervously. Words just wouldn't come up and she couldn't breathe and everything was happening at once around her. It felt like the planet was shaking, until she realized that it really _was _shaking.

"What's going on?" She asked as Nick walked to one of the computers. "We're being attacked." He said.

"Young. It's reported that there is an attack on the surface. This is _not _a drill." He turned off the remote and tossed it down to look at more of the sensors. "Stay here, Tess. I don't want you to get hurt." He said, not looking at her. A chill went down her spine, but she nodded, as Eli and a few other scientists ran in. "Mr. Wallace." Nick said, walking to Eli. "The ninth chevron. We need to try to dial the ninth chevron."

"Are you crazy? We need to get _home." _Tess nearly made a comment that he very well was crazy, but held her tongue.

"This is the only possible planet we can. This may be our last chance. If this attack continues, the core could go critical."

Eli and Nick continued to talk about the address as Tess looked at more of the readings. It was dangerous, but Nick was right- they might not have another chance to try. They were dialing the ninth chevron. The room was shaking, but it worked. Young stormed in, angry that Nick had dialed the ninth chevron, but they all knew there wasn't another choice- it was cross through the gate to unknown territory or die.

As Tess watched, people began to file through. They wouldn't be going home; Zan was back on Earth. Nick grabbed her arm, looking at her. "We need to go." He said, concern in his eyes.

"Zan." Was all she said. Nick stared at her fore a second before taking his face in his hands and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"I'll make sure they protect him. I promise. But we need to go." He said, oddly calm in the face of danger. Tess nodded, grabbing a bag and trying to banish her worry. Beside her, Nick grabbed his, and they walked down together. One of the soldiers was knocked off by falling debris just in front of her. Nick grabbed her with his free arm protectively and they ran through the puddle together, landing on a cold, solid floor, half on top of him.

"You alright?" Nick asked. His arms were half around her protectively. They were surrounded by other people, noise everywhere. She nodded, managing to stand, pulling him up with her.

"You broke your glasses." She said, looking down at his hands.

"No matter." He muttered, taking her hand and leading her through the crowds and up some stairs so they could see everything going on. His hand was in hers protectively. "Come with me." He said. Tess didn't question it- she followed him to another room, down a corridor. He still held a heavy metal bag of something, and her hand, before they got to a room with a wide window showing the galazy. Tess's eyes widened. It was beautiful- millions of fast-moving colors. Space. Nick tossed his case down on the table, setting some kind of stones out quickly. "These stones should make it possible to make a connection to Earth and tell them what's happened." He turned fully to her, cupping her cheek for a second. "I'll make sure they take care of Zan." He said quietly, pressing a quick kiss to her lips before setting one of the stones down on a pad.

Tess stared, confused and alarmed, as he stared down at his hands. "Miss Harding?" He asked. No-it was Nick's voice and Nick's body, but someone else speaking. He would have called her Tess. "Where am I, what is…"

"We landed… Somewhere. We don't know anything about this, I don't know what's going on. Nick is using some kind of stones to make a connection to Earth." She said quickly, trying her best to explain. "Who are you?"

"Colonel Telford."

Tess grimaced- she hated Telford, and it was strange to think of him in Nick's body. She shivered, and suddenly he shifted and she could see in the way he held himself that Nick was back in his own body. He looked up at her and she could tell. "They're going to take care of Zan while you're gone and give him the best care possible." He said, taking her hand. Tess choked and nodded. He was going to be without her, alone. Nick stood, walking to the window. Tess followed after him, looking out.

"Where are we?" She asked after a minute. He was looking at the code on one of the consoles, but Tess couldn't read it- she didn't know ancient well enough.

"We're on a ship." He said, almost silently. "Lightyears away from home. A ship built by the ancients." Tess watched the galaxy, wondering where in the world they were and how to get home.

"Did you know all about this before we got here?" She asked, turning to him. Nick shook his head.

"No, but seeing space that's what I'm thinking. We passed by a map while running, and we were far from Earth." He turned to her, taking both her hands in his. "I'm sorry that I dragged you into all of this." He whispered.

Tess shook her head. "I'm not. I had nothing to live for on Earth. Being in this program with you is all I have." Nick shook his head but didn't say anything. They stood for a short while, until Lieutenant Scott and Eli ran into the room where they were.

"Rush, we've got a problem." Scott said. He held a gun in his hand and was in full army uniform. "The life support system on the ship is not holding up- if we can't fix it, we won't last an hour until everyone's dead." He said. Beside her, Nick nodded, pulling away and walking down a corridor. Tess followed after, and he led them to a console.

"The life support system is on, but for some reason it's not working properly. This button should fix the life support system. By pressing it, the oxygen should come back to normal and we can worry about any other problems on the ship." He explained. Eli and Scott followed them into the room, the former of the two looking at where Nick was pointing.

"That screen says that what you're saying to do is going to overload it." Eli said, pointing out something in the code. Nick scoffed.

"You only _think _it says that because I embedded a rudimentary version of the code into the game. This is not a game." He said, glaring at Eli. That was when Greer walked in, gun in hand. Tess groaned- she'd learned that he tended to be a cocky asshole, akin to how Michael had been.

"What's going on in here?" He asked, pointing his gun at Nick. Everyone seemed to assume he was going to mess up- Tess wasn't a big fan of most of these people, and for good reason.

"I am attempting to reset the life support."

"Don't do it, Rush."

"Back off now, or I will shoot you!"

"Lower your weapon sergeant!"

"He screwed us once, I'm not gonna let him do it again."

Tess grabbed Nick's hand protectively, squeezing hard. He responded doing the same. "I am going to press that button. And then you, and everyone else, will be able to breathe and think much better." He said, hand on the button. Tess was halfway between listening to Nick and wanting to tell him not to hit the button so that he wouldn't be at risk of getting shot.

"Don't do it." Greer whispered, lining up the barrel of the gun with Nick's chest. Thankfully, Scott came to whisper something to Greer, and the man reluctantly lowered his weapon. Tess breathed a sigh of relief as Nick pressed a button on the console and they waited to see if anything happened.

"Did it work?" Tess whispered beside him.

Nick sighed, pulling away from her and walking down a corridor. "Well, I suppose that would've been too simple."

When Tess followed after Nick, she found him staring at a map of star systems and galaxies. She didn't speak as she walked to his side, but stared as the map showing a path ahead of them.

"Destiny." He said after a moment of silence. Tess turned to look at him fully, raising one eyebrow. She had heard about her own destiny with Max and the other hybrids, but it wasn't something she believed in so much anymore. "The name of the ship. It's Destiny." He pointed out on the screen a point where a line started, travelling across. "This is Earth, where the ship started its course." He typed something into the console as the others from their group crowded into the room, looking on as well.

"That is one big ship." Scott said behind them. He pulled out his communicator. Just then, his communicator went off. The lieutenant pulled the radio out of his pocket and heard Riley's voice.

"Scott, there's a door here we can't get open. Can you have Rush see if he can open it from there?" Tess looked to Nick, who stood in front of the control and looked over his shoulder.

The map showed several zones in red, and the spot they indicated one in particular. Nick took the radio from Scott, raising it to his mouth. "There might be something dangerous there- it's marked in red. You'll want to stand back." Nick said, setting it down on the console and pressing a button.

"Close it! Close it!" They heard voices shout through the radio over a rush of air. Nick hurried to press the button, sealing off the room, and the people on the other side sighed in relief.

"What just happened?" Scott asked, looking around the room.

"The room behind that door has a leak. It's letting out a ton of oxygen. I think it's what's keeping the life support from operating correctly." Riley panted into radio. "Someone should be able to go in there and shut it, but they won't be able to get out- we can't shut it without sacrificing someone."

Tess looked around the room. This was the first strike- someone was going to have to die. She swallowed nervously. "Someone will need to go in there, or we're all going to die." Nick muttered, pressing various buttons on the console.

Scott turned to Tess. "I don't know what kind of powers you have, but you're part alien. You have the most likely chance of surviving in there." Scott had a point, but Nick turned and glared, making it clear that it wasn't an option. Tess was glad for it- she didn't _want _to sacrifice herself, no matter how selfish it was.

"Miss Harding is very important to this project. And if we encounter any alien life forms while here, she'll be our only hope." Tess knew that wasn't true- she couldn't communicate with aliens and had only ever met a few others. Still, she wasn't going to argue. "Start taking count of what people can do, their importance."

"We can't risk human lives like that!" Eli argued, stepping forward.

"It's all we can do. Would you rather have us all die, or someone unimportant to the mission?" Nick growled back. Eli stepped back- when Nick wanted to be, he was scary. The group left the room and Tess was still there with Nick, standing at the console.

"Thank you for making sure I didn't die." She said, chuckling. Nick nodded, more to himself than her it seemed, but she could see a small smile on his face. Tess rested a hand over his on the console. "I'm sorry." She whispered, not looking at him. "About everything." Nick only nodded, so she knew he heard her, but stayed silent.

The senator had let himself die for them.

It had only happened a few minutes ago- Eli came in and told them what had happened. Senator Armstrong, badly injured, had sacrificed himself so that everyone on the ship could survive. His daughter Chloe- who Tess strongly suspected Eli cared about quite a lot- was a sobbing mess. "At least he bought us a day." Nick murmured. Most would be appalled by that, his utter lack of care of humanity, but Tess understood it. Each person might have value as their own being, but in actuality, didn't matter. It was a principle she had been raised on by Nasedo for as long as she could remember.

That didn't stop Chloe herself from running in and tackling Nick, trying to hit him angrily, although her tiny gait and fists made little difference on him. "You killed him! How could you do this?! You killed him!" She shouted. Tess helped Scott tug Chloe off of him, and scrambled to help Nick to his feet, making sure he was alright. Scott calmed Chloe down gently, as did Eli.

"You can't just sacrifice lives, people matter!" Chloe shouted, glaring at Nick.

Nick nodded thoughtfully. "Your father was a hero. Someone had to sacrifice their life, would you rather it have been you?" Chloe just glared back. Tess grasped Nick's hand tight behind his back. They were both alive and Tess was grateful- she didn't care about the life that had just been lost, and she knew it was wrong to feel so little tenderness, but it was how she was raised.

Chloe was escorted out, and they stood in silence for a moment, until there was a shift in gravity, something. It was like the entire ship shook. "What was that?" Eli asked, looking at the console nearby. Nick stepped there and looked at it.

"It would seem we've dropped out of FTL. There's a planet nearby that we can visit, that should have what we need to survive." Nick walked to the gateroom. Eli shrugged and went after him. Tess did the same, watching as a group of soldiers and scientists ventured out to the planet to find water, Nick in that group.

"Be safe, okay?" She asked him, grabbing Nick's hand before he went.

Nick turned back, and he looked shocked- like he hadn't expected someone to care. He pulled her in by the hand grabbing him into a tight hug. "I'll be alright. We'll both be alright. I promise."

It was a few hours later that people stumbled through the gate. Nick was helping a doctor who was covered in blood through the gate. When he was through, Tess immediately got to him.

"Water." Was all he said, his voice raspy. Tess nodded, grabbing a her canteen of water and handing it to him. Nick drank the liquid down quickly, half drenching his face in the process. Tess pushed his hair- sweat soaked and overheated by the planet- out of his face. Nick collapsed clumsily in her arms after drinking her water, sputtering. "I'll get you another ration of that." He murmured. Tess just chuckled and petted his hair.

"It's fine, I'm just glad you're safe." She said. Nick grinned up at her for a second, trying to sit up.

"What happened to him?" Young asked, gesturing to the doctor who had stumbled in.

"Greer shot him." Nick said, standing clumsily. Tess helped him up.

"You need to get some rest." She said.

Nick ignored her- he tended to not get enough sleep and they both knew it. Still, Tess dragged Nick to his quarters- they had been given quarters while the team was out on the desert planet, and Tess had made sure Nick's were near hers. "You're sure you're alright?" She asked, leaning against the doorway of his room. Nick threw off the military jacket and fell down onto his bed, exhausted.

"I'm fine." He said, although Tess knew he wasn't. "I'm sorry for dragging you into all of this, Tess." He said, looking up at her.

Tess had been about to leave, but she turned back to look at him. "I'm not."

Nick gave her a confused look. Tess bit her lip.

"If I hadn't gotten involved in this program, I wouldn't have met you."


End file.
